yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
