i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
why do cheetos always look like penises
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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