I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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