I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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