I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
