How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We have started to decorate penises.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
