at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
