We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize