a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
His hands were made for my vagina.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
