Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
