Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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