Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
