Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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