You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
