there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
