I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
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