I look better un-naked...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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