good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
