I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize