how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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