is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
