If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
