at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
