i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
