the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
