the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Pooping to opera.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
