I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
