small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
