it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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