Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
