I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
