Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Randomize
