I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
