If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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