Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
