Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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