Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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