went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
