so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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