can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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