There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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