Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
