I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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