No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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