I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
