it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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