mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
