Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he was CRYING into my vagina
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
