Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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