i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
