when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
