i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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