I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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