In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
