saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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