Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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