Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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