He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
