It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
