Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
That accounts for only three of the penises
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
