I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
