It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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