nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize