i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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