During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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