Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
