Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
